15 things I learned on a Shenzhen flight to Guangzhou

I know I promised a post about the day after meeting Xiao-Jie, but I don’t have time. I wrote this in Guangzhou, after we flew there from Xi’an, and I thought I’d share what I learned. We were not seated all together on this flight. I took one for the team and sat with the New Kid, and Steve sat with Bini in the middle of the plane. I was in the back row with XJ, and an older man with terrible manners.

I hope this is sufficient for now. If not, too bad. I’m busy, damn it.

Here’s what I observed on a Shenzhen flight within China:

1. Some men apparently like to cut their whiskers with nail scissors. On an airplane. Or, at least the man sitting next to me did.
2. Intra-China flights are unbelievably packed. I had absolutely no leg room, and XJ wanted to sit on my lap. By the end of the interminable flight, I was sweating and so was he.
3. Flights just change gates randomly at the airport. And, if you don’t speak Mandarin, it can be challenging to figure that out.
4. You are NOT ALLOWED to play games on your iPhone during flight. iPads and handheld game machines are, for some reason, totally fine.
5. Chinese men like to hack up phlegm and deposit in a paper cup, which they then hand to the doll-like flight attendant. Or, at least the man sitting next to me did.
6. Little known flight rule: If the person behind you has their tray down, you cannot put your seat back. It is rude. (I’m going to try that back home.)
7. The in-flight magazines contain reassuring employee profiles, such as “Zhang Xin: A Competent Pilot.”
8. The way to keep a nearly 3-year-old child that you’ve just adopted occupied during a two-and-a-half hour flight is to feed him tiny bits of a Clif Bar for an hour.
9. Another way is to show him how to lower and raise the window shade.
10. Another way is to fire up “The Monster at the End of this Book” app on the iPhone until a doll-like flight attendant comes over and tells you to shut it down.
11. Another way is to feed him an in-flight meal of chicken, rice and part of a roll.
12. Another way is to let him take all of the periodicals out of one seat-back thing and methodically put them in the one next to it. And then do it again. And again.
13. And yet ANOTHER way is to let him shred two airsickness bags into tiny bits of confetti. And leave it for the doll-like flight attendant to clean up later.
14. I will silently pray to sit with Bini on every subsequent flight, because he’s comparatively easy now.
15. My husband needs to realize he’s going to get punched if he remarks on how fast the flight from Xi’an to Guangzhou was.